Cutting

Hard to know what constitutes "cutting," but I suppose I just mean to say "self-mutilation."  Which also has some particular nuances.

Anyway, going a bit more personal, to the point of where I'm pretty embarrassed, I must say that I do do a wee bit of it.  I'm inclined to believe that most people do to some extent, such as the pulling off of scabs, the ripping away of hangnails, the pressing down on bruises.  There is such power in the creation of pain in oneself.  Of course, I mean not to exclude bdsm, it's just that there is a separation of reason behind bdsm-related pain-making(i.e. orgasm) and pain-making in the self for the sole purpose of pain making (or stress relief.  I'm not sure what all the psychological reasons actually are).

In any case, I've gotten into this terrible habit, for many years now, of scratching at my scalp until it bleeds.  Then I pull of the scabs.  I used to do it with my eyebrows, but it was pretty obvious.  People can't really see the top of your head though.  Well, sometimes they can.

I wish I knew why I did this or how I could stop or whether or not it was really a sign of something terribly sick in my head, but I'm really inclined to think it must be related to the pain.  There's just such a need to create pain-- take charge of pain-making.  There's just a certain degree of peace in it.

Okay now, please no hateful comments.  This is a big share for me- I have much guilt.  Mean comments will be deleted.