Thursday, January 13, 2011

Drowning

That is the truth.  Totally overwhelmed by everything right now, and most of it, I'm sure, is just because the pain has been so bad.  Plus, I'm going to have to start committing time to go to acupuncture twice a week, and it isn't so close by.  And I'm going to have to start PT again-- what if they want me to go in twice a week as well?  Plus, I should start yoga because my dr says so.  And I really think massage would help.

Gyah!

The worst I suppose is just that the pain can bring such depression.  I've been feeling pretty confident the last few years in general, and all of a sudden I feel so terrible about myself.  Stupid things are stressing me out, and I feel like a complete idiot and failure. 

And then I get these thoughts like, "Oh, I may as well drop out of school and just work on supporting myself because who knows how it's going to be with the pain?"  With this thought behind it as though I can work on making a real life for myself next time.  Except, it isn't any kind of next life thought but the idea that I'll be better eventually.  But I probably won't be.

This post is completely useless.  Ah, another low self-esteem-y thought.  Stupid pain!

2 comments:

  1. Oh how I can relate with you on this one!!

    I go to PT, MT (massage therapy) and Traction
    3X/week!! Uhhh, sometimes, it's just tooo much!

    I mean sometimes with my other appointments, I
    ALWAYS have at least six in a week, I wonder how
    am I suppose to fit anything else into my days??

    But it always works out somehow!!
    It's just so darn stressful.
    Boy, I'm doing a great job at cheering you up
    aren't I??? Sorry!!

    I DEFINITELY DON'T THINK you should drop out of school though. Knowledge is power. I know it is rough right now, and it always seems like it's too much too handle, but you will figure out a way to put through it....you're a woman...woman
    always find a way.

    YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK!!

    ~Steph
    http://fortheluvofsanity.blogspot.com
    http://thispainsux.blogspot.com

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  2. Thank you so much for the kind comment! I am feeling much better today. I hope that you are doing well in your pain journey as well. Yes-- we are made stronger too!!

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