Earrings

I've gotten in the habit lately of wearing cheap earrings in the two upper holes in my left ear.  I'm actually allergic to cheap metals, have a bad reaction to them where my ear puffs up and hurts, then bleeds when I remove the earring. 

It probably isn't a healthy practice, not in any sense, but it makes me feel so powerful.  It reminds me of something Bob Flanagan said in his poem "Why," which respond to all the questions of why he practiced bdsm (he also had cf). I'm including particular excerpts below-- I encourage you to read the poem, which is linked above:

why...

Because it feels good;[...]

because I'm sick;

because there was so much sickness;[...]

because of what's inside me;[...]

because of doctors and nurses;[...]

because my parents loved me even more when I was suffering;[...]

because I'm addicted to it;


I don't know.  In the film Sick that documents the last years of Flanagan's life, there's a piece with a young (very ill) gal named Sara who gets to meet Bob through the Make-a-Wish program.  When asked about her interest in Flanagan and bdsm, Sara responds, "I guess it's just the same thing, I think, with Bob- being able to control your body for a change, being able to control something" (191).

I mentioned in an earlier post how all sex acts as a person with chronic pain (particularly in the neck) become masochistic.  Perhaps this creation of additional, smaller, controlled pain is similar. 

I also like to think that it decreases the general pain elsewhere.  Like there's only so much pain my body can produce, and if I force some of it into my ear, the pain that can go to my neck is lessened.

Who can say?