Friday, October 15, 2010

disappointment

I think I always preface complains with "the worst thing about chronic pain is..." but that really is how it feels when you are so put down by it.  Today, I had to leave a conference I have been excited about for months, because my pain got so bad.

It is just terrible today.  I am having to prioritize so much and stay so busy, that I really am going to have to drop all the fun things I want to do just to be able to "tough it out" for the things I have to do. 

Really, there needs to be a space to talk about going through grad school with a disability.  And pain makes things so much harder.  I feel like half the battle is gritting my teeth through literal pain, with so little of me left to make an effort at school work and get things onto my CV.  This quarter is one of attrition-- thank God we're almost to November.

It is really hard to imagine sustaining for 5-7 more years for a PhD program.  Yet there need to be professors who know about pain and disability in this way.

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