Worse Lately

It's just all been worse lately. I guess my mood hasn't been that terrible, considering, but the pain's been awful. I've felt the early signs of a migraine all day today, which means I'll have to pull myself together to make it through the workday and class tomorrow. I'll try to get some extra salty chips- sometimes the salt helps a little. I have my sunglasses packed but I can't find my earplugs. I guess I can try to listen to soft music to cover up the piercing voice of my cubicle-mate tomorrow.

I think I'll do a layered account of chronic pain for my autobio/autoethno final this quarter. Grad school's pretty lenient that way. I should probably try to work it toward my proposed capstone project and talk about sexuality some but this seems more important to me right now. I need to come to terms with the fact that I'll probably be in pain everyday for the rest of my life. After seeing A Single Man today, the idea of shortening it seems even more awful- not that it isn't always, but I feel guilty even when the idea pops into my head for a minute or two.

Anyway, I'm sure I can relate sexuality to chronic pain. Honestly, in a society where "headache" seems to be the big excuse for not wanting sex, how are you supposed to use it as a legitimate reason, you know? These are the things I worry about.

I should try to get on something to help me sleep despite the pain. No more Vicodin for me! (she says, knowing full well she'll fall back into the habit when next she is caught at 4AM with nothing else to think of but the continuous pain)

Anyway, I'll try to come up with a short piece on sexuality and pain. It's sad how it sounds like S and M- not that I have anything against it- because that seems to be what all sexual experience comes down to nowadays. The knowing that my neck will hurt and continue to for hours and hours afterward.

M: 3
P: 8