Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The Impossibility of Comfort

it is always at night when the monsters come
they creep out from under the bed
through the bed
always upward toward the torso
feeding on the neck, the back, the shoulders
but nibbling on the arms and head just enough
like someone's been pulling at my hair
while i've been trying to sleep

the cat is loud in his dreams
breathing deeply, snoring, turning a bit
he sleeps in so many strange positions
and there is not one
(how can there be none?)
in which i can slip away
tossing about and waking the poor cat
perhaps a bit maliciously

the room is without light
but it is still too bright
the hurt creeps to the base of my head
one pillow
two then three
then none at all
i lay flat on the floor
return to the bed
travel to the sofa
use the cat as a pillow
his loudness gives me a headache more

the question returns as it always comes
on nights like this
when my sheets are half on the bed
half on the carpet
the pillows strewn about
and the cat unhappy
my bedding damp from ice
and warm from the heat pad
stomach full of healing tea

is a sleep of strangeness that is frightening
the absoluteness of a murder
he will come for me
is it worth it?
to get sleep at all
better to stay awake
enjoy the self-pity a little?
to vicodin or to suffer and awake?

cruelly, that is my question

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