Would it Help if I Complained a Little More?

In general company I mean. I'm caught unaware by people in my circle who don't seem to know that I've been in pain the last three years, a lot of it terrible. How can they not know, right? It must've come up at some point- they should have seen me downing some pain pills or asking to borrow some or something. Should I have been more vocal about it, or were they just not paying attention?

I find myself getting irritated at people when they show the slightest impatience toward me. Or if they say they are too busy for something that I have made time to do- like a joint commitment that they back out of. I want to scream at them, tell them that I spend every goddamn Wednesday going from appointment to appointment to appointment, even though my psych. appointments are on Mondays but it works better verbally to put it all the same day. I still got acupuncture, massage, and Tai Chi- if I could have psych on Weds, I would, and maybe I will. Just would have to go to Issaquah, and that's kinda far.

I'm just so irritated right now. I'm tired of hearing about everyone else's problems without them listening or asking or caring about mine. You know? I probably mentioned my problem, and they weren't paying attention. Or they never asked why I take so many pain pills, or they just dismiss it. Maybe they think it's one of those little things so many people have. But it's not.

If I scream it loud or complain in depth, maybe give a little rant, maybe they'd get it. This isn't some little thing- it is my life interrupted and permanently. Even when I'm not in great pain I can remember what it was like and what it will assuredly be again. The memory is one of the worst parts - like in Buddhism one of the great sufferings is the realization that your happiness is only temporary.

Damn.

Tired of hearing of other people's problems. Seems like the only people who care about my thing is my closest family. Getting tired of no one caring. No one much asked me how grad school started either. Or my new job. Big things, big things.

Tired tired of giving.

P: 4
M: 2