PTSD

I know, I know.  It generally is associated with war zone type things.  And I do not want to in any way demean those experiences, but I was actually diagnosed with PTSD a few years back.

The reason for my pain, as I have said a few times but not recently, is a car accident.  I was in the back passenger's seat of a friend's family's car when a semi truck lost control on an icy road and hit us.  (Side note: it is really surprising to me that I can write that so apathetically at this particular point.)  Anyway, it took me a while to be comfortable driving (like years) and then I was in another accident that totalled my car (girl ran a red light), so that made it worse again.  But the worst thing is driving in icy conditions.

Anyway, it doesn't actually have to be me driving, just having to be on the road when it's icy out plays mad games with my stress levels.  I don't get flashbacks, but I remember, and I get so angry.  Seriously angry.  Because it was so idiotic to be on the road in the first place, what with it being so icy.

But the thing is, we never think that something terrible is going to happen.  Sure, it's icy, but worst case scenario, we'll spin into a ditch.  The thing is, I know how bad it can be.  I can't even honestly say that I feel I lucked out, because maybe the alternative would have been better- who knows?

And I feel like it has to be something pretty damn important to get me on the roads on an icy day like today.  Like an emergency or having a baby.  Possibly the apocalypse.  Who knows?

Very very bitter.  Grr!