Well, I went to see the back doctor for the first time in over a year on Thursday, and the prognosis was not pleasant. It just seems like we've reached the point in treatment where everything we can try is a "Hail Mary." He used fancy works like "empirical" in his explanations and wore a grim expression throughout. Plus, since it had been over a year, I had to fill out all the paperwork, sans insurance info, again- 12 pages of background! The paperwork was probably the worst part, because it asked personal questions like "Do you feel you have ever been sexually abused?" and "Have you ever considered suicide?". I understand that they must have some information regarding my psychological state, but throwing such intense questions right in the middle of an otherwise yes/no type scientific questionnaire was unnerving.
Anyway, I will begin massage again and acupuncture anew. My back has been crazy terrible this week on account of moving furniture, holding the baby, running errands with the baby, and a mess of other things. I didn't make it to Tai Chi Saturday morning, yet again, and feel terribly guilty, though I slept very little on account of the pain, so I wouldn't have been at my best/even at half-best.
I really should try to write something more poetic when I'm in terrible pain but the trouble is, when I'm in terrible pain the very last thing I want to do is try to be poetic! Speaking in grunts comes more naturally, or single wordy syllables such as "Ow!". It is a conundrum, to be sure, and perhaps one that might best be remedied through the purchase of a voice recorder. A mono-syllabic poem would be better than none at all.
Applying for jobs and interviewing add such stressors as can only result in pain as well. I have three job interviews next week and can't help but worry worry worry my head off. And by "head" I mean "nerves throughout my neck, back, and shoulders." Plus, if I can only find a well-paying job in this awful economy, I might be able to make it to Chile this summer and meet my family whilst learning Spanish. Oh, hopes and dreams. Yet, I will most likely end up in a secretarial position, which will necessitate my sitting for hours on end hunched over. I will have even more pain to look forward to. Oh, glorious anticipation!
Must find an acupuncturist who will take my insurance. And book a massage appt. How will I have the time for these things? Perhaps I should take a yoga class again as well...
Anyway, if the acupuncture does not work, I'll be looking at a cortozone shot. Apparently, I have misspelled corotozone. How would I know how to spell it though? Cortizone? Courtizone? Courtazone? Cortazone? Cortazon?
Had to look it up- Cortisone, apparently. The dr. thinks that it won't work, but might randomly because pain is so confusing. I hear that it doesn't hurt too badly because they numb you up first. We'll see, assuming acupuncture doesn't work, which is rather pessimistic.
Also, must go to the regular dr. and get a liver test. Back dr. worries that all these pain meds may have damaged my liver. Though, at least liver failure/disease is something they can actually do something for :(
You may have noticed that, yes, I have been having some pain-related depression, which was diagnosed but remains untreated. Must also see regular dr. for some anti-depressants. Cymbalta was recommended by my psychologist, but only psychiatrists can prescribe. How annoying...
Been trying Bengay cream and heat patches lately. Apparently, you really have to shovel out the dough for the brand names- patches don't stick if they're cheap and the cream just doesn't work. Anyway, Bengay burns- painfully so, but it does help. Make SURE to wash your hands after smearing it (or having someone else smear it) on the area of pain! It will burn anywhere on your body except the hands (at least for me- it might be a result of barista work). Trying to use creams and such instead of pain meds (Vicodin, ibuprofen, acetaminophen, etc.) on account of the liver thing. We'll see how long I hold out for.
Anyway, I'm off to pretend to sleep, because I won't be able to on account of all this awful pain that now sits in my shoulder blades in particular. Shooting pain that makes my fingers numb, ew.
<3
P: 8
M: 8 (seeing Wicked tomorrow!)
No comments:
Post a Comment