I Will Make Violence Unto Myself

For I will burst open all my many blisters and pull away my scabs

For I will press down on my bruises
hard
so that the pain begins to seep

For I will allow the young and feisty she-cat to catch me sometimes
when we use my hands
as playthings

For I will let the heat pad warm me 'til
it burns
me
and pull away the fleshy remains
to bleed

For I will wear too high of heels and too strappy of shoes
that dig
into my toes
and rub my heels and
scar

For I will use my fingers as weapons, my will as a
weapon

For I will make violence unto myself
For I will casually assert my power over
my
body and
my
pain.

For I will carry biting spiders to freedom in naked hands
For I will tug away at hangnails, separate them from me
For I will clean my gums so that my brush and spit come out red

For I will no longer submit
to pills and pills and side effects of pills

For I will prove that I am visible: geographically and three-dimensionally
For I will not be oppressed by my own
blood and sinew and flesh and confused brain stem
For I will assert
my
self

For I will write until my wrist aches for I will be my own master

For I will make violence unto myself