The world has become such an insane place to live. The oil spill, the Arizona law, hatred against gays. This hatred towards humans, animals, and our earth is so hurtful-- a literal pain in the neck.
Here's the rub. When the stress comes on, the pain returns in the worst sense. Yet, pain brings about more stress. It continues to escalate until everything becomes too much.
For the first time in months, I took Vicodin. That hell-broth! I think my tolerance has decreased-- right away it seemed as though glitter was coming down from the lights. I made myself ignore them- the little shiny dust particles. They weren't real, I know.
How does anyone get through graduate school with constant pain? I can't focus on this theory-- de Certeau simply brought me to another painful headache. Nearly a migraine. Sitting hunched over the computer trying to understand.
For the first time in a long time, I came to despair today. It makes me feel Guan Yin (Kannon), she who hears the cries of the world. The female aspect of Avalokitesvara-- the Dalai Lama. To feel compassion for all, to try to bear it all- mixing metaphors, like Atlas with the world on his shoulders. Except that his was punishment.
I try to be religious-- I have such a background in Catholicism. If Jesus lived as the best a human possibly could and died so horribly, what have I to complain about? Yet, his was a short pain. Relatively.
I can't even stick with that image. It is easy to fail.
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