continued...

as always

Strange Narcotic dreams. Can they be interpreted as the dreams of a saner mind? Let me tell you about the nightmare I recently witnessed. I was not in this dream, but this dream was in me- inside my unconscious brain. I will explain the strange events that befell one who was not me but probably somehow was me. I must make sure to ask a psychiatrist at some point.

....

It was from work that my body fell to pain. I had cleaned a house, a big house with many floors and many floors to clean. It may not have been big enough to call a mansion, but it was definitely marked with its excessive cost. This was a house of braggary, not love, and the owners exhibited such capitalistic and hateful tendencies.

She handed me my paycheck- hand to hand without even an envelope to protect me from the dirtiness of the cultural necessity. Money dirtying my already filthy hands. Her hands were beautiful, white and smooth and without the scars that mine bear.

She smiled at me. 'Poor thing,' I could imagine her thinking, 'She probably is not clever enough to even recognize my charity.' As though the extra dollar or two made any difference, not to my expenses or my aching, groaning back.

"Be careful driving home," she said. "I know how much trouble you Asians have."

"Yes, ma'am," I said. I meant something else, something sinister that would have lost me both my job and my self respect.

But when I went to my car, I found it rolling backwards down the hill leading away from the enormous home. It threw itself, faster and faster, downward, and I ran, with the thought that I could keep it from causing any damage if only I could catch up with it. And I did catch it, once, but it would not stop with just my weight against its massive force.

It continued with me only standing and watching with nothing else to do, until it stopped in the garage of another man's house: open, thank God.

I ran to catch up and found the man standing, staring at the car that might have been his demise. Yet, though there had been no noise, there had been an injured party. At the front of my tiny vehicle, beneath its front left tire, lay a bleeding snow monkey.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I must have forgotten my emergency brake." Carefully and slowly, I brought the car backward and freed the poor monkey. She was certainly alive but bled heavily. A dark purplish blood that matched the color of my car.

"Yeah," the man said, "I noticed."

I removed my jacket and wrapped it tightly around the poor animal, whispering sweet noises that sounded animal to my mind. "You'll be alright," I concluded.

"If you don't want me to call the cops," the man said, "I'll need $300. And $200 for the monkey."

Another man seemed to apparate, I have no concept of from where, and added, "And $300 for me- to keep quiet."

The monkey looked up at me with a pitiful face that knew. She could understand everything that had transpired, I could tell, and she felt sorry for me- that poor creature that had endured such pain knew that I was a fellow pain sufferer. We were both separate from the world in that, and in the strange society that somehow was the norm, in which we had both ended up somewhere we did not belong. We both looked East, I knew, and sighed with longing.

....

What would be the key words to look up in a dream dictionary? From the Curious Dreamer.

Car accident:

Being in an accident (car, airplane, train, etc.) can mean:

• You're afraid of something catastrophic happening that's out of your control
• You're feeling things are out of control somehow in your life right now
• You feel or fear bad luck or things not going your way

Note: Obviously the first two are true. I was certainly not in control of my pain or I'd not have taken the Vicodin in the first place. And I feel most unfortunate to have such a terrible ache.

Monkey:

Playfulness, resourcefulness, ingenuity, companionship, community. Dreaming of this animal can represent:

• Having too much of one of these qualities, or that you could benefit by being less this way
• Not having enough of one of these qualities, or that you could benefit by being more like this
• Someone or something in your real life with whom you associate one of these qualities (an event, situation, threat, etc.)

For more clues, pay attention to what the animal was doing or any particular characteristic that stood out.

Note: Maybe not having enough community- such as my strong desire to belong to a chronic pain support group? Perhaps it does not have to do with pain?

Money:

Money (bills, coins, a check, etc.) can represent value or "currency" of some kind (monetary, mental/emotional, effort, energy, or other things of value)—something you tend to give and receive in your life.

Paying money or people demanding money can mean you feel that life—or something in it—feels very demanding right now, or that people are wanting things from you.

Winning money or someone is giving you money can mean you'd like for this to happen in real life, or you're feeling fortunate in your life right now, or someone has actually been generous to you.

Someone owing you money can mean you feel that person "owes you" or is indebted to you somehow—or that you have given more to this person in your relationship than you have received back.

Note: Demanding-ness of pain? But I also got money- very confusing...

Cleaning:

Cleaning, sweeping, wiping up, polishing, waxing, etc. can have many different meanings, depending on context. Some possibilities include:

• Getting rid of unwanted things, feelings, thoughts, situations, etc., or a desire to do so
• A desire to make things more neat and orderly in your physical, emotional, mental world
• Making improvements somehow in your life, or a desire to do so
• Denial, trying to "erase" facts, trying to get rid of feelings or evidence, etc.
• Cleaning up other people's messes, fixing their problems, coming to their rescue, or supporting their irresponsibilities

Note: Wanting to get rid of unwanted pain, I guess.

It was a strange dream...