Ugh, today was so awful. My neck ached all day, and I had a terrible headache. Worst of all though were the side effects from so suddenly going off my morning pain meds. It is really quite annoying, because my dr. specifically told me that this med wasn't addictive.
Of course, she also told me that trigger point injections wouldn't hurt. Honestly, how would she know? Has she had them? If not, then poo on her for making me feel weak.
Anyway, the side effects are awful. I was so exhausted today (I had a lot of caffeine, and it didn't help!). I'm sure the headache was related as well. I literally couldn't make myself sit up straight.
Well, tomorrow will be without the meds as well. Apparently, my dr. fax the refill in last Monday, but the pharmacy somehow didn't get it. They faxed it again today, but it will take at least until tomorrow to fill. Hopefully, my mom or M can stop and get it for me- as I have zero time from 7a.m. to 10:30p.m. Early morning meeting- durn. Already have the instant coffee ready to go.
So, will just have to endure through tomorrow. If it gets any worse though, I may have no choice but to skip my night class. But that would pretty much mean not missing for the rest of the quarter, and who knows how bad December will be?
Blame the cynicism on the withdrawl symptoms. Or is it withdrawal (or is that only for the bank?). Hm...
Monday, October 18, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
prescriptions
Well, it seems my doctor forgot to call in the refill for my prescription last week, so I am without the pain medication that I take in the morning, until this problem can be remedied. I will call both my doctor and the pharmacy tomorrow, but, alas, the pharmacy's system is actually down right now. I've actually tried to call and fill a few other prescriptions that are running low, but I simply hear/read (if I try online) an error message.
I didn't realize how much I had come to depend on this medication until I went today without having taken it. Not only does my pain hurt worse than yesterday (it hurt pretty terribly then- or is it terrible? I can never remember the rule with adverbs...), but I feel a bit sick in general. I know that the medication isn't that strong, but perhaps I'm just on so many medications that any change messes me up.
I'm going to have to muddle through tomorrow anyway. Maybe I will stash my ice pack in the grad lab freezer for Tuesday night's class. Although, I don't want to look like I'm going for sympathy. I guess I can try to hide it with a scarf.
Though, I am also a bit worried that it might get stolen. Not to be terribly cynical, but the damn thing was at least twenty-five dollars, and all these little pain reducing things add up over time (tea+ books+ co-pays on meds+ice packs+stretching aids+exercise balls+etc.). Plus, it's pretty large, and I don't want to monopolize all the space in the tiny freezer.
Maybe I should just pick up some "hot and cold" patches? I hear that they work really well. I'm just a bit nervous to use any "hot" patches, as I was burnt by the last one I wore :|
I didn't realize how much I had come to depend on this medication until I went today without having taken it. Not only does my pain hurt worse than yesterday (it hurt pretty terribly then- or is it terrible? I can never remember the rule with adverbs...), but I feel a bit sick in general. I know that the medication isn't that strong, but perhaps I'm just on so many medications that any change messes me up.
I'm going to have to muddle through tomorrow anyway. Maybe I will stash my ice pack in the grad lab freezer for Tuesday night's class. Although, I don't want to look like I'm going for sympathy. I guess I can try to hide it with a scarf.
Though, I am also a bit worried that it might get stolen. Not to be terribly cynical, but the damn thing was at least twenty-five dollars, and all these little pain reducing things add up over time (tea+ books+ co-pays on meds+ice packs+stretching aids+exercise balls+etc.). Plus, it's pretty large, and I don't want to monopolize all the space in the tiny freezer.
Maybe I should just pick up some "hot and cold" patches? I hear that they work really well. I'm just a bit nervous to use any "hot" patches, as I was burnt by the last one I wore :|
Saturday, October 16, 2010
when sick
It's difficult to realize when I'm sick now. A few weeks ago, I got strep throat and didn't realize how bad it was. You see, the lymph nodes are all located about the neck, and my neck always hurts. So how was I to know that it was something different causing more or less the same pain?
When I was really sick this summer with a fever over 103, I didn't even notice. I mean, I knew I felt terrible, but it was mostly just the aching. I'm used to aching. I just figured the pain was spreading like it sometimes does, going through my hands and down my legs.
Well, my throat's been hurting since I finished my strep medicine. And my neck started hurting badly about the same time. So then, is it just that my neck hurts from the conference, or am I sick again?
How am I supposed to tell the difference???
When I was really sick this summer with a fever over 103, I didn't even notice. I mean, I knew I felt terrible, but it was mostly just the aching. I'm used to aching. I just figured the pain was spreading like it sometimes does, going through my hands and down my legs.
Well, my throat's been hurting since I finished my strep medicine. And my neck started hurting badly about the same time. So then, is it just that my neck hurts from the conference, or am I sick again?
How am I supposed to tell the difference???
pain retreat
There must be something out there for adults. I just want to go to some sort of rehab center or retreat and heal. Check myself in and hide away until this fixes.
I'm sure it's obvious, but my mood has fallen. I was doing so much better and then it just started hurting so badly again. I'm not sure what else I can do besides trigger point injections and PT. I read a book on foods for pain, and apparently I should be vegan. I just can't imagine giving up dairy on top of meat. Meat was hard enough.
Well, I'm supposed to see my physiatrist (re: not psychiatrist) on Friday. There's always the option of asking what else we can do, but I'm worried that I've once again got to that point where the doctor will just shrug in reply.
Maybe I'd just better try to do acupunture again. Just have to make the time.
Anyway, going to take a shower and ice it. Hit up the Tylenol PM and pass out. Good plan.
I'm sure it's obvious, but my mood has fallen. I was doing so much better and then it just started hurting so badly again. I'm not sure what else I can do besides trigger point injections and PT. I read a book on foods for pain, and apparently I should be vegan. I just can't imagine giving up dairy on top of meat. Meat was hard enough.
Well, I'm supposed to see my physiatrist (re: not psychiatrist) on Friday. There's always the option of asking what else we can do, but I'm worried that I've once again got to that point where the doctor will just shrug in reply.
Maybe I'd just better try to do acupunture again. Just have to make the time.
Anyway, going to take a shower and ice it. Hit up the Tylenol PM and pass out. Good plan.
Friday, October 15, 2010
disappointment
I think I always preface complains with "the worst thing about chronic pain is..." but that really is how it feels when you are so put down by it. Today, I had to leave a conference I have been excited about for months, because my pain got so bad.
It is just terrible today. I am having to prioritize so much and stay so busy, that I really am going to have to drop all the fun things I want to do just to be able to "tough it out" for the things I have to do.
Really, there needs to be a space to talk about going through grad school with a disability. And pain makes things so much harder. I feel like half the battle is gritting my teeth through literal pain, with so little of me left to make an effort at school work and get things onto my CV. This quarter is one of attrition-- thank God we're almost to November.
It is really hard to imagine sustaining for 5-7 more years for a PhD program. Yet there need to be professors who know about pain and disability in this way.
It is just terrible today. I am having to prioritize so much and stay so busy, that I really am going to have to drop all the fun things I want to do just to be able to "tough it out" for the things I have to do.
Really, there needs to be a space to talk about going through grad school with a disability. And pain makes things so much harder. I feel like half the battle is gritting my teeth through literal pain, with so little of me left to make an effort at school work and get things onto my CV. This quarter is one of attrition-- thank God we're almost to November.
It is really hard to imagine sustaining for 5-7 more years for a PhD program. Yet there need to be professors who know about pain and disability in this way.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Capstone Artifacts
McGill Pain Questionnaire
Patient Form (Back/Neck- PT)
From The Cancer Journals- Audre Lorde:
On the morning of the third day, the pain returned home bringing all of its kinfolk. Not that any single
one of them was overwhelming, but just that all in concert, or even in small repertory groups, they were excruciating.
There were constant ones and intermittent ones. There were short sharp and long dull and various combinations of the same ones. The muscles in my back and right shoulder began to screech as if they'd been pulled apart and now were coming back to life slowly and against their will.
My chest wall was beginning to ache and burn and stab by turns. My breast which was no longer there would hurt as if were being squeezed in a vise. That was perhaps the worst pain of all, because it would come with a full complement of horror that I was to be forever reminded of my loss by suffering in a part of me which was no longer there. I suddenly seemed to get weaker rather than stronger. The euphoria and numbing.
Effects of the anesthesia were beginning to subside
(37-38).
my body. Extended
a rusty butter knife
cuts and digs
extracting my bones
from. my flesh
my powdered throat
dust and sand
i has been buried
my body beneath my mind
my body. extended
the wild remains
like trees aging
down and up and out
i would spear my teeth into my foot
detach my foot-me from my rest-of-me
you seek to make me I
give me voice
when i die, the ants will feast
i falls away
my body extended beyond
my body. extended
http://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/human-nature/perception/synesthesia.htm
Patient Form (Back/Neck- PT)
From The Cancer Journals- Audre Lorde:
On the morning of the third day, the pain returned home bringing all of its kinfolk. Not that any single
one of them was overwhelming, but just that all in concert, or even in small repertory groups, they were excruciating.
There were constant ones and intermittent ones. There were short sharp and long dull and various combinations of the same ones. The muscles in my back and right shoulder began to screech as if they'd been pulled apart and now were coming back to life slowly and against their will.
My chest wall was beginning to ache and burn and stab by turns. My breast which was no longer there would hurt as if were being squeezed in a vise. That was perhaps the worst pain of all, because it would come with a full complement of horror that I was to be forever reminded of my loss by suffering in a part of me which was no longer there. I suddenly seemed to get weaker rather than stronger. The euphoria and numbing.
Effects of the anesthesia were beginning to subside
(37-38).
my body. Extended
a rusty butter knife
cuts and digs
extracting my bones
from. my flesh
my powdered throat
dust and sand
i has been buried
my body beneath my mind
my body. extended
the wild remains
like trees aging
down and up and out
i would spear my teeth into my foot
detach my foot-me from my rest-of-me
you seek to make me I
give me voice
when i die, the ants will feast
i falls away
my body extended beyond
my body. extended
http://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/human-nature/perception/synesthesia.htm
Monday, October 4, 2010
Medications List
Because it has all gotten so out of hand. I drink expensive teas to sleep (which is not working right now- alas!), use ice packs, heat pack, etc. Still, there are so many medications for so many conditions. Wondering if maybe healthy is merely an image of perfection. Unattainable!
AM:
It looks insane all written out... I think I need to meet with my doctor to discuss all of these and see if there's a way to cut back. :|
AM:
- Vitamin - Calcium
- Vitamin - Women's Daily
- Vitamin - Vitamin C
- Supplement - Iron (Anemia)
- Rx - Cytomel (Hypo-thyroidism)
- Rx - Cymbalta (Pain and depression)
- Rx - Singulair (Asthma)
- Rx - Birth control (Irregular menstruation)
- Rx - Meloxicam (Pain)
- Short-term - Augmentin (Lymph node/strep throat/tonsil mega virus)
- Short-term - Prednisone ("")
- NSAID - 3 ibuprofens
- Short-term - Augmentin (Lymph node/strep throat/tonsil mega virus)
- Short-term - Florastor (Complications from above-ness)
- NSAID - 3 ibuprofens
- Supplement - Iron (Anemia)
- Rx - Cytomel (Hypo-thyroidism)
- Rx - Cymbalta (Pain and depression)
- Rx - Neurontin (Pain)
- NSAID - Tylenol PM
- Rx - Albuterol inhaler (asthma)
- Rx - Flonase (allergies/asthma)
- Rx - Ultram (pain)
It looks insane all written out... I think I need to meet with my doctor to discuss all of these and see if there's a way to cut back. :|
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