Thursday, February 24, 2011


I love the snow.  Really love it.  Not just for the snow days it brings or the way it likes to pull everything to a stop and let us reflect on our lives.  I love the snow because it swallows the world's sounds and covers up all of our industrial footprints in a sheet of clean white.  I love that it seems to glow as it reflects the moon's light.  I love the way it captures our footprints and makes it clear that we really have been in this world.

If I were to be perfectly honest, I am a summer person.  I don't enjoy being cold, although I layered today to cover up the effects.

But it is a real shame you can't do the same for the pain that this beautiful weather brings.  I've noticed much more this year how my neck begins to ache before it snows and progresses as the flakes drift down from the sky.  Today was a terrible agony yet also a wonderful beauty.  Thus the concept of fractured aesthetics or the beautiful as broken emerges.

In any case, I've had my pain pills and a few drinks, so will sleep through the worst of this pain.  Let us hope for another snow day tomorrow to recover and marvel.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Going back to acupuncture

Well, I didn't go to acupuncture for a few weeks, and heading back was really a pain. ... Seriously though, it hurt a terrible lot.  I got super stiff the next day.  And my hands hurt again.

I hope that I didn't make things too much worse.  But my back and neck have been real bad this week so far.  And I only have one hot and cold pack left!  I am saving it for class on Wednesday.  Although, I guess I could go pick some more up.

Stress has been crazy what with hearing back from MFA and PhD programs, so I'm sure that did the opposite of help the situation.

Moral of story: don't skip acupuncture. Even if you're sick.

But seriously, you shouldn't go to the acupuncturist if you're sick, because s/he works with her/his hands, and will have to lose work.  Because zie can't go in!  (hurrah for gender neutral pronouns).

Will take solace in my selflessness, I suppose, as I ache away.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Depression hurts, Cymbalta can help?? Can it?

I've just learned that my anti-depressant, Cymbalta, may be to blame for my inability to sleep and increased anxiety.  Botheration!  Here is the vicious cycle: my neck hurts so I get sad, I take anti-depressants, I can't sleep so my pain gets worse, so I take more anti-depressants, so I sleep even more poorly.  Ugh.  It is annoying because the same things that help me deal with stress (i.e. working out) are the things I have to cut out of my schedule when I get super busy.  So then I get super sore from giving up the thing and from stress.  Oh, these crazy cycles.

I went to see a psychiatrist last week because my depression's been pretty bad- which is very normal amongst folks with CP.  But he is pretty sure that the lack of "phase 3 and 4" sleep is what mostly causes my sadness and extra hurt.  So we are trying sleeping pills.  I really need to update my medications list...

I've also been sick and ducking out of seeing my acupuncturist.  Which means my pain has stopped spreading and being all fibromyalgia versus myofascial pain syndrome-y.  I scheduled to see her Friday though- here's hoping it'll help!

Also need to call my pain dr to set up an appt.  And make an appt to start PT again at some point.  Oops.